Rambling

Sigh. Lately I've found myself back in the same cycle as before where I like a guy, keep to myself, and then eventually they'll find someone else to be with instead of me. Granted the last part hasn't happened yet, but it drives me insane how the guy I like totally teases me and shows obvious signs he's into me, but then turns around and says he's not into dudes and whatever.

Of course I'm really good at hiding my true feelings when I'm around him, but there are several nights when I can't keep up the charade so instead I just fall silent and blame it on being tired even when I'm not. It's also because of all of this pretending, I'm actually preventing myself from actually writing out my feelings because for some odd reason I don't want to write about my current interest like I usually do.

I dunno. Maybe I just need to suck it up and accept that I'll forever be in this endless cycle until one day I'll actually find a guy who is worth my time or he comes finds me. Who knows. Of course I always hope for the best and continue to look forward no matter how bleak things seem at the moment. Maybe my big break after my three year dating hiatus will come either from the guy I'm currently interested in or from someone else I didn't expect. We shall see what time holds in store for me.

-LostLove223